Why Black's Photography Gets the Cherem

Cherem: excommunication, ban, boycott. Also known as: Why Black's Photography is Completely Incompetent.

So Haifa U writes me a letter saying that the photos I sent in were too large (as I suspected they may have been) and that they need 4 new ones, passport size. So after calling 4 different people to figure out what that meant in Israeli terms (and getting the following answer three times: "You know, like, passport-sized."...), I drive down to the mall to get the pictures taken and printed at the convenient photo place, which happens to be Black's, and which happens to be the most inconvenient photo place on the face of the Earth. After taking two pictures and explaining that since I only need them for a student visa and a university, I'm allowed to smile, and yes, I'd like them to please print 6 times the one where I have a bigger smile, I leave for 20 minutes so they can be printed.

And apparently Hell froze over while I was shopping, because that's the only reason I can think of for why they couldn't find the "print" button and hit it 6 times.

So I get back there, and notice that not only did they print the wrong picture, they only printed it twice. Fine, whatever. I'll send those in for the visa. Please print the other one 4 times. I'll be back in 20.

I then proceed to call the daddy, who flips out that they charged me for three sets of passport photos (44$) instead of for one set (12$) and 4 print copies (maybe 2$ each, at the most, and more likely 1$ each). While I go to the pharmacy to mail letters, he calls Black's and pulls a Daddy. Which means he yells at them until they see things his way. But this time it didn't work, probably because their heads are too thick to be scared of my father, which they should be, because according to all of my friends, he is in the telecommunications mafia and can cut off your phone service, so there. Or can really screw up your long distance phone charges. Or something equally obnoxious. Pretty scary. So I go back with a big smile as a sort of apology for the Daddy that I wrought upon their wretched lives, to pick up my four remaining photos.

The guy brings out two photos, which seem suspiciously large, this time the correct picture, and not in one of those nifty passport holders that they charged me for. He then serves three other people, gives me a confused glance as to why I'm still there, and says "oh, they should have printed out with those two".

Well, no, they didn't. You only gave me two.

"Oh...uh...I'll go in the back and print more"

So I intervene: You know what? Just scan them. It'll be faster

"Oh...uh...okay"

So while he's in the back and the line behind me is growing longer (because on Sunday, the Jewish population of Thornhill comes to print their photos. At Black's. All at the same time) and the lady behind me starts yelling that they should have more than one person in the front serving customers, I notice that yes, the two photos he has just printed out are too big. I go to the back and say

"Excuse me? These are too big. They have to be this size (showing the passport size photos destined for the visa). Please stop what you are doing and scan these photos"

And Photoguy says

"Oh...uh...Didn't you want them for a Canadian university?"

No. I never told you that. i told you i wanted 6 passport photos. These are too big. And it's for an Israeli university, which needs passport size photos. Which are not this big. They are this (pull out printed visa photo) big. Please scan the visa photos and print four of those

Now, here comes the best part. Which worries me a bit, because if they work at a photo store, they should be able to do this really easy request that even my computer-illiterate mother can do even though she thinks the computer is broken when the screen is blank because the power is off.

"Oh...uh...We can't scan those. It's too small."

No they're not. It's a scanner. It's what it does. We put the photos on the glass, close the cover, press the button that says "scan", then press the button that says "print". Twice. זהו. That's it. But he keeps protesting and the line behind me looks hungry for blood, and I'm about to throw a full out kicking and screaming tantrum on the floor, so I tell him to forget it, I'll keep the visa photos, and I want my money back for the four photos that they screwed up.

One hour of my life that I will never get back. But now I have three coupons for free digital camera printing. I should have held out for stock options.

Japan Camera would have been easier. But the ladies there are so snarky...Really, does the mall slip drugs into the staff's coffee to make them totally useless? I feel that the answer is yes.

-J