On the Honey and the Beesting

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Ads and Other Things

I am a consumer whore. And how!*
If you glance above my post, and just below my title, you will notice an ad, powered by Google's AdSense. Pleasepleaseplease click on it. I get money, and you get carpal tunnel syndrome. Everybody wins!!! If you look carefully through my post, I will place subliminal messages convincing you that clicking on these ads is a good idea.
Click my ads!
*(reference: Dan Hertzfeldt's brilliant cartoon Rejected. Everyone must see it. Google it or something. You'll find it)
Well, it seems that I'm posting every thirty seconds, but don't worry, that will soon change. I'm just bored. And procrastinating. Obviously.
Click my ads!

I am back from Jerusalem, and since my ZenMicro died again, I had a lot of time to contemplate the situation in the Middle East. I have come to the following conclusion:
I hate all people who use the following phrase when asked how they will know when peace will come to the Middle East: "There will be peace when I can sit down with my Arab neighbor and we can eat Chumus together and call eachother 'brother'. "

Oh my freaking God: Do these people have any idea how utterly obnoxious and patronizing they sound? And this is not just one isolated incident; madrichim of all sorts of youth groups and organized trips use this expression in various permutations. As do youthful idealists, philosophers, and dreamers. Also, communists *cough* anyone in the Nacha"l *cough*.
Now. There is nothing wrong with being a youthful idealist. I mean, they're just plain stupid and completely unprepared for the real world, but hey, power to you. Everyone needs their dreams.
But here's my opinion: If you didn't learn to share in Kindergarten, it's not a skill you're going to pick up anytime soon. I for one, seem to have missed that class. I hate sharing. It makes my skin crawl. I would rather buy a person their own plate of fries rather than let them take one of mine. If you aren't one of the three and maybe four people on the planet with whom I begrudgingly share my food, stop touching my things.
Chumus and peace in the Middle East have nothing to do with eachother, other than the fact that chumus originated in the Middle East, and that we would like peace to start originating itself there as well.
What if I said that the US would have less trouble with it's South American illegal immigrants if they could get along over a plate of enchiladas? Nothing, that's what.
People who use this quote want to smack you in the face with their "sameness". Look! We both live in the Middle East! Look! We both enjoy the same food! We can totally stop hating eachother now! Let's eat! And hey, let's eat together! My brother! Chumus!

Shut the hell up! And click on my ad!

FYI: Just because you eat the same food doesn't make you the same. And why do you want to be the same, anyways? Diversity is more interesting. Sameness is boring.

People don't need to resort to pithy little statements about food to achieve peace. They need to stop teaching hatred to their children for one, which, by the way, does not require that they teach their children to love "the enemy" (though it would be nice).

Here's the secret that I learned in Kindergarten (shhhhhh....don't tell): You don't have to like a person/nation/religion/ethnic group to get along with them. In fact, you can totally hate them, because that's your own business. It's kind of sad that you hate them, but really, there's nothing I can do about it to change your mind. All you have to do is respect them, expect the same from them and leave them the hell alone. Because peace does not require love for the enemy; it requires love for oneself to overpower your need to destroy your enemy.

God, didn't anyone ever see War Games? Fighting doesn't work, so stay the hell in your own backyard, and leave me in peace.

In the end, someone will probably poison the chumus anyways.

Click my ads!



Anonymous Heather Zimberg said...

Greetings Jess, this is your cousin Heather in Michigan. (actually, we're first cousins, once removed - maybe you could elaborate on that phenomenon for your readers)
I've been a fan for awhile, and I just wanted to let you know we are ALL glad to hear you are safe and happy - and I just LOVE your blog!

7:39 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home