On the Honey and the Beesting

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Plot Hole!

So instead of doing Hebrew homework (of course), I'm watching Spiderman 2.
And I really have to take issue with one of the scenes here.

Peter Parker has hung up his Spiderman costume for what we are supposed to assume is "for good", in an effort to change his lifestyle back to a more normal pace. Because flying through the air while criminals fire submachine guns at you is apparently too stressful for the average superhero. Like, duh. So he passes three thugs pounding a kid in an alley, (a very brightly lit alley, considering it's New York, but I suppose you also have to realize that it's only the afternoon, so I'm not really sure why they picked a well-lit and easily accessible alley to beat up a guy in broad daylight) and the kid is screaming for help and Peter looks in, sighs, and carries on his merry way because he is no longer a superhero, and well, he's not the one getting beaten to a bloody pulp.

Plot hole 1: What the hell, man? Since when is it okay to let a guy get mugged in an alley in broad-freaking-daylight? Run for help! Call the police! Make a big racket! Find someone with a cellphone! It is people like you that get people like the Central Park Jogger raped in the middle of a crowd! Here, watch, it's easy: "Somebody call 911! Fire! Fire! Help! Help! Get the police!"


Peter finally goes to Mary Jane's play (The Importance of Being Earnest, which I think was a stupid movie, and from the thirty second shots I've seen of it, seems to be a stupid play, too), in which she is supposed to be "amazing", wonderful", "awesome", and when she notices him, she gets all flustered and misses her line.

Plot hole 2: This is the second time in the movie in which his presence/absence has caused her to screw up her lines in her play. Which tells me that maybe she's not such the great actress she's cracked up to be. Also? I've been on a stage, and you seriously can't see the audience for the stage lights, so unless it's a low-budget play with poor actors, I'm having issues stretching reality for the moment.

Anyways, Peter catches up with MJ after the play, who's all "oh, yay, you made it!". Like, scrape up a little more enthusiasm, babe. And he's all smiles, and invites her for chow mein, which she turns down with the line "Peter, I'm getting married."

Plot hole 3: So what? Since when did going for chow mein constitute a breach of marital vows? He'll probably pay! Like my uncle says, "Never turn down free food". Go for the freaking chow mein! Has "going for chow mein" turned into some sort of euphemism for "let's go have lots of hot sex behind your fiancé's back" while I was abroad? And why doesn't anyone keep me posted on these changes? And what happens if you're invited out for sushi? Imagine the possibilities!
Right, and then she's all "You think just because you saw my play, you can talk me out of getting married?"
Well, no, he thought you might be hungry and want to go for some good chinese food. Actually, chow mein isn't really all that great. He thought you might want to go for some mediocre chinese food.

And the best one of the day: In an effort to convince her that he's changed for the better, he says "MJ, I've changed! Punch me, I bleed!"

Plot hole 4: The best way to win a girl's heart is not by quoting Shylock from The Merchant of Venice, my friend. And also, I'm pretty sure that "Punch me, I bleed" is not actually in The Merchant of Venice. So, way to use a sucky line to misquote a play to a professional actress, dude. God, no wonder this guy is such a loser. He was better off in the red tights.


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. I hate plot holes. Get an competent director.

That is all.
-J

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love it when you find plot holes, 'cause, y'know, it amuses me

- Me the wonderful

Also, this word verification dealie that's going on... It's not actually a word unless I missed something. What does itssdsw mean?

8:52 PM  
Anonymous me said...

Hi Jessie,
Its Auntie M'Ad. We were wondering about Lag B'Omer in Israel so we were happy to check your blog to get the scoop. BTW how do I add you to my MSN contact. I am a novice.

1:26 AM  

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