On the Honey and the Beesting

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Josephus Flavius Rocks My Socks Off

My faithful readers/stalkers (CNN: Why don't you call? Why don't you write? Has our love affair wilted so quickly into the Great Beyond? I pine for the day where you will ask me to be on your staff so I can ask your editors the questions that burn inside me but which can be summed up with the following acronym: WTF? ) will remember previous posts in which I write about avoiding studying for such and such exam so that I can update the world as to my goings-on.

Today is no different!

Instead of studying for my Introduction to Semitic Linguistics exam, I will take the time to brief you on everything that has been happening lately. Galileo was wrong; the world, in fact, revolves around me.

1. Haifa U Study Tour: Three weeks of sitting in a class/touring the country learning about Israel and the Jewish People from the time of Abraham until the Modern Age. Actually, I would have learned about the Modern Age had I not skipped the very last Friday class, but seriously, after spending eight hours moving all of my stuff into my aunt's apartment the night before, I'm not actually going to wake up at 6:30 to make it to the university in time for a 7:30 class on a Friday. Actually, I probably wouldn't have gone to the class any other day of the week.
So to amend my statement, I have learned about Israel and the Jewish People from the time of Abraham until the end of the Six Day War. In three weeks. Which is approximately 15% more material than was covered over four years in Jewish History classes at the Community Hebrew Academy of Toronto. Which makes you question the quality of the Jewish education you're paying for these days.
1. Back to the Study Tour: But yeah, the trips were great. To your left, there is a pile of rocks. And to your right, a bigger pile of rocks. Placed there by Josephus Flavius. I have learned that you can always work Josephus Flavius into any conversation. In fact, Josephus Flavius is my homeboy.
We went to all sorts of places, but I think my favorite by far is a tie between my thirty-second camel ride and the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. My camel buddy for the day was Sascha, and we named our camel Louis. Louis was a fine camel, if not a little PMS-y. Fun fact! Most camels who participate in camel-rides are female. Because the males have territorial issues. Kind of like Ismail Haniyeh. (ssssssssssnap!) And Louis is totally comfortable in her sexual identity, despite her seemingly masculine name, thank you for asking. But when you take Louis's picture, she gets kind of grumpy. Suffice it to say that even if we died at the hooves of Louis, which we almost did, we'd have awesome photos. As for the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, where before this trip I have only ever seen the outer courtyard, it was totally awesome. And I even got a good photo of Jesus's grave. Which is kind of gross, I think. There was no body, because he rose from the dead, duh.
Tee hee hee.
Whatever, it was cool. And freaking huge and artistic and medieval and such. So my recommendation is "go!". Fun for the whole family.
I left the tour-week early with a few other people to study (hah!) for the exam, so the bus dropped us off in Dimona where we were to catch a bus to Beer Sheva and from there take the train to Haifa.
A word about Dimona: Hm.
That's it. That's my word. I don't think that anyone actually wants to live in Dimona. I mean, the whole thing is basically sand and disappointed immigrants. And, you know, the nuclear reactor. None of this "flower of the desert" stuff. Also, it's really dirty. As in, you know it's dirty when you look out the bus window to see a girl sweeping the dirt out of her house into the dirt in her yard, and she looks like she just needs a good bath. And then you realize that she's not sweeping the dirt out of her house into the yard, but rather she is..sweeping the sand in the yard, at which point you become sad and lose faith in humanity but especially in the youth of Dimona, like, you're in the middle of a desert, get a clue.
My final thought on the Study Tour: Auditing is awesome; all the perks and none of the assignments. Sweet.

2. Gilad Shalit and the Situation in Gaza: Well, it's a really tragic story, but in answer to all those inquiring about my health and safety in Israel right now, don't worry. My health and safety in Israel couldn't be better. That doesn't mean that I would envy your average Gazan at the moment. It's probably not on Expedia.com's top ten vacationing lists. But I the beaches are overrun with jellyfish this time of the year anyways.

3. Packing: I AM GOING TO DO IT!! I'm going to get all of my stuff home! You thought it couldn't be done! You thought I had too much stuff! Which I do! But I also have a great plan: Send most of it home with unwitting family/family friends, take two/three suitcases myself, and keep the rest in my delusional world of "It Will All Totally Fit in My Suitcase, SHUT UP, I HATE YOU!".
My long-term plan is to take all the stuff I won't wear/use anymore back in Toronto and sell it at one of those garage sales. 5$ a top, 10$ a pair of pants. Keep checking back to find out more on the grand opening of "L'Armoire de Jess", coming soon to a thrift shop near you.

More has probably happened in my fabulously important and irrepressibly desirable life, but I can't put off the procrastinating any longer, so wish me luck!


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