On the Honey and the Beesting

Sunday, January 15, 2006

We are experiencing technical difficulties

There is a curious burning smell emanating from the centre of my keyboard.
This is because my computer sucks at life, very much like the dumbass settlers in Hebron, who, after being informed that they were being evicted from the palestinian homes in which they were illegally squatting (is that redundant? does 'squatting' pre-empt the 'illegal'?), they began to riot, because apparently they have nothing better to do, and hurt an Israeli soldier with stones they were throwing at which point they expressed regret for hurting the Israeli soldier because (quote) "that's not what [they] meant to do", but in that case, what in the hell did they mean to do with those rocks in the first place?


You know what, I'm not going to end the digression. Your freedom to swing your fist ends at the tip of my nose; it's like the bully who closes his eyes and starts kicking at the air, and whoever gets in the way of his feet, well, too bad. Haaretz.com offers a 'talkbalk' option, where readers can submit their opinions to certain articles, and I believe that one reader had it right when he said "the IDF shoots at palestinian stone throwers, and they should shoot at the israeli ones, too". And the reader, while extreme, is absolutely right. When you commit a violent act, you should a)be lined up and shot and/or b)arrested. Personally, I'm a fan of option A, but whatever. Maybe just knock them around a little bit. Like, "Oh sorry man, I totally didn't mean to pistol-whip you with my M-16. I was merely using my freedom of expression to express my annoyance that some dumbass settler thought that throwing rocks at soldiers was an appropriate outlet for his poorly disguised bigotry against the Arabs and left-wing Jews. At least I had the safety on, eh? That could have been embarrassing. Hey, you should put some ice on that, it looks like it's gonna bruise..."

Back to reasons why i am technologically retarded...

My computer goes through phases, much like an obnoxious teenager. Sometimes, when I'm watching a movie, it says "Hah! Screw you!" and shuts down. Other times, after being idle for a while, it refuses to refresh the screen, and informs me of a critical error upon being rebooted.
It seems that my computer and I are in an emotionally abusive relationship.

If anyone from Dell is reading this, I have an Inspiron 5100 and I hate it and please for the love of God, recall the damn thing and hook me up with something cute and small like the newest cute and small iBook or something from the sexy sexy Sony TR series, even though you don't manufacture them, I NEED them....because the Inspiron 5100 currently sitting on my desk? Is no longer my best friend.

Also, my cellphone likes to short out every now and then. See, when I was out dancing at a club, I stuck it down the front of my shirt because I didn't have good pockets or any kind of purse with me and it seemed like a good idea at the time. But apparently my cellphone is sweat-sensitive, and after 15 minutes, the only keys working were the zero and the five key. If you have never blowdried your cellphone, it's an experience that shouldn't be missed. Three weeks later, I am still having problems with the seven and the eight key. Oh well. Six more months.

And lately, the elevator and I, which have never been really close, are bitter bitter enemies. There is one elevator servicing about one thousand or so students (give or take a couple hundred) living in the dormitories, and in fact we really do need to use it because either you take the outside stairs in the cold and the rain and the wet or you take the elevator, because the inside stairs are blocked off from public access between the second and the fourth floor (i.e: Unless you are one of the IDF soldiers studying....i don't know, garbage can burning....here, you ain't gettin' to that there third floor), which means everyone needs to take the elevator down to the second floor, i.e my floor, if they come from inside, which they do, because the outside stairs have somehow formed a windtunnel and it's actually colder to take them than it is to just stand outside. Anyways, the elevator is always packed with people from about 7:30-8:30 in the morning so often I just take the damn stairs anyways to get to class, but what is unacceptable is when at 8 pm, I'm just trying to get up to the main floor and I get in the elevator, and the doors close...and ding open again because something is covering the electric eye. And then close and then ding and close and ding and close and ding.... (repeat until idiot foreigner gives up and leaves the premises screaming trilingual obscenities in the elevator's general direction and storms up the stairs promising no uncertain death to the technicians in this @#*%ing country, then proceed to work normally for the Israeli students who will later avoid looking the idiot foreigner in the eye next time they pass her in the hallway because it is uncertain when she might trilingually tweak out at them too.)

I want sushi.


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