On the Honey and the Beesting

Monday, July 17, 2006

Le Sigh...

I have no idea if I've already got a post with the same title as this one, and I'm not entirely sure that I care enough to check. I don't know how much time I have at the computer given that the last three air raid sirens were twenty minutes apart, which, you know, doesn't leave much time for blogging. Or peeing.

And the bomb shelter's toilet is kind of raunchy. And, um, I don't do gross toilets. I barely do porta-potties.

There have been four or five azakot (alarms? this is not a literal translation. But when you hear the word azaka, it means "get your ass down to the bomb shelter") since the wee hours of the morning. And when it was rumored that the first one (at six in the morning. Bless their sweet little hearts...) was a false alarm, it's entirely possible that I might have said, "You bet your ass it's not a false alarm at six in the #$%*ing morning."

Dan (are you happy? I've mentioned you now...) went off to a friend's house to study and I went to Noa's to "study" (hee!) and order sushi and watch tv (guess which two out of the three goals actually happened? Come on, guess...). I got there, we ordered the sushi, popped in a Friend's DVD and heard two explosions. And then, thirty seconds later, the air raid siren. Now, technically, the air raid siren is supposed to give you 60 seconds warning before you hear the explosions. And for half an hour on the radio, people wouldn't freaking shut up about how the system didn't work, and how it didn't go off in time. And I suppose that it's bound to fail, especially if the terrorists were raised in a barn and didn't get the memo that they're supposed to give the Israeli public 60 seconds before they try to bomb the crap out of them, and clearly if you're going to go on jihad, you might as well be polite about it.

But they were better later, and the other five times, the siren went off a minute before the rockets, which is nice, I suppose.

Anyways, Noa and I started wondering whether or not we would need to call the restaurant to a)find out about the health of the delivery guy and b)find out if they could bring the order after the azaka finished. Five minutes later, the delivery guy shows up at the shelter with the order. Luckily, I brought money down with me because I'm paranoid that someone might steal it while we're out (think about it: wouldn't the best time to rob a house be during an air raid? You know everyone's out of the house. You might as well see if they left their valuables behind. God, I need to get out of the house more...), so we paid him, and he went off on his merry way.

Now that is what I call being dedicated to your job.

Another thing I would like to clear up is how the following statement: "Terrorists are missing the petrochemical plants on purpose. But they can hit it if they want to, so watch out". That is complete bullshit. They released a statement like that because they haven't hit the plants, not for lack of trying, I might add. But just because they can't aim correctly doesn't mean that they care. Let me try to explain. Put your left fist (let that be topographical Lebanon) on top of your right fist (let that be topographical Israel) (diagram not to scale) with the palms facing you (but your fingers still in a fist). Now, the terrorists operating in the left fist hate the entire right fist without exception. It would like to hit the right fist's knuckle on it's middle finger (let that be the petrochemical plant in Haifa). That would be a happy day. However, if it manages to hit other parts of the right fist's middle finger instead, or even anywhere else on the right fist, the left fist doesn't really care, because remember, they hate anything to do with the right fist, which means that the whole right fist is a nice target area. It would be great, in the left fist's opinion, if it could blow up the right fist's middle finger knuckle, but in all honesty, what's a finger here and there on the right fist? So some right-fistians die in the process; they have a bunch of other rockets to use, and they might as well try to wipe out all the right-fistians they can.

If this is hard to understand, well, I did the best I could. Let me know if you're still having problems.

The parents want me to come home early or go to a hotel in Tel Aviv, so we'll see what happens. Meanwhile, I'm all packed up at Safta's and just trying to study, god damn it, so I really wish Hezbollah would choose a better way to get rid of their excess testosterone, like, I don't know, go out and have a lot of sex, because I just want to freaking take the exam and pass it.
Hah! Like that will ever happen. The studying, I mean. I'm a professional student, as in, I don't study. And come out with straight A's. Because I'm just better than you, I suppose. Regardless, both the Technion and the University of Haifa have "closed until further notice", and exams won't be rescheduled until things are calmed down. Now, they can post the exam date within 48 hours of it's new time, but unless they post anything by tomorrow, which is seeming less and less likely as the day passes, I will probably not be writing the exam in Israel. Sigh. I'm a big fan of procrastinating when it comes to me doing the actual procrastinating, but I hate it when exams and tests are pushed off. Just cancel the whole thing all together and give me a pass on a pass/fail scale; otherwise, it just eats into the rest of my summer, and the Israeli school calendar where exams go into July is just plain ridiculous enough as it is.



Post a Comment

<< Home