Eilat, WHAT! Also, Ashkelon, but not nearly as ghettofabulous.

I won't say that I spent a lot of money in Eilat.

However, I must point out that any Eilati shopkeepers who were once worried about sending their children to University, aren't any longer.

It is becoming a trend for me to wake up at an ungodly hour to get to wherever it is I need to go, so at 5:30 friday morning, I was up and showering, by 6 I was dressed, breakfast by 6:30, and at the bus stop by 6:50, at the central bus station by 7:30 (with coffee in tow, I might add....becoming a bit of an addict, which is hard to avoid in this country), all in order to catch the 9 am bus to Eilat.

If anything can be said about me, it is that I like to be on time. The army would have freaking loved me. Except I have issues with authority. So there you go.

3 hours into the 6 hour trip, we (the we here would be Arielle and I, seeing as she accompanied me on this Eilat excursion) stopped at a vaguely familiar spot, which turned out to be the same rest stop that I stopped at with the Sar-El group on our way from Tel Aviv to Chatzirim in the Negev. So that was nice and nostalgic for the whole 15 minutes we stopped there.

I would like to pause here and say that anyone who has driven through the Negev desert and who still has not fallen in love with Israel is a complete and total idiot. It's absolutely gorgeous, and really, there's nothing like it. I don't understand how one can live in this country and not love it, even if only for the landscape.

After a few more rest stops, we finally arrived at the Eilat Central bus station, which is spitting distance from the Nova Hotel, where we stayed. As in, you spit, and it gets there before you do. Marvellous. The same Expulsion-Of-Bodily-Fluid-As-A-Measure-Of-Distance-From-Our-Hotel method can also be applied to the mall, the open-air market, the beach, the tourist traps, and the Tayelet (boardwalk), which is also marvellous.

Isn't expulsion a great word? Isn't it too bad that the verb-form is expel? It should really be expulse. Much more colorful.

A day-by-day rehash of Eilat, from Friday to Sunday:

Friday: We arrive in Eilat at 3:30 pm, and proceed to walk to our hotel, the Nova Hotel, the cheapest one to be found on the internet, at only 50$ per person per a night. Canadian.
I should point out that such a low price in such a tourist-y town guarantees the following:
-Snotty service staff: While trying to pay for dinner that evening, I got yelled at by the front desk lady, and ordered around. I am not in the army, do not talk to me as if you are my commander. Especially when my wallet is open. Noted, she did have a terrible day; when we were trying to check in, three different families came down to complain about something wrong with their room/service/shower/love lives. Swear to god. Love lives. This one 50 year old woman started shrieking at the manager about her suite not being prepared in time for her engagement party or something to that effect. Meanwhile, two different men are trying to catch the attention of the same woman who checked me in(who would later treat me as if she were my commanding officer), while she was checking me in.
FUN FACT: There is no such thing as "waiting your turn in line" in Israel. Line? What line? Is that some sort of sick North American joke? Whoever gets her attention first, wins. This game has simple rules. Also, you get to "cut in" (to the line, if such a thing actually existed in this country), if you talk louder and establish the counter as your territory, a feat which can be done by leaning at least 65% of your body over aforementioned counter and waving your hands/paperwork/credit cards/small children and/or dogs around. If the clerk makes eye contact with you, verbally acknowledges you (sneezing or coughing in your general direction counts), turns any part of her body in your direction (include cellphones, purses, guns, metal detector wands, or pens in this criteria), or asks you to please move away, you've won. For the next thirty seconds, anyways, while the other 'players' secretly plot to kill you.
-No shampoo or conditioner in the bathrooms: My hair is crying. Swear to god. Crying.
-Minimal maid service; i get clean towels, but why the hell wasn't my bed made? I hate coming back to an unmade bed. I feel filthy. You know those Tide "body soil" commercials? Exactly like that. And FYI, the only reason I didn't make it myself is because when I put out the "please clean my room" sign, they're supposed to make the freaking bed, too. I don't even ask for a mint on my pillow, just that she actually change the damn sheets and flick them back into place. I've been doing it since I was six years old without getting paid for it, I feel that Housekeeping can do it too.

After settling in to our lovely little room, we went for a walk on the Tayelet, shopped a bit in the open air market, and went back to the hotel for dinner. Shimrit (my Ashkeloni friend from camp) and her boyfriend Golan picked us up, and we all went out to a noisy but quaint little pub/bar on the boardwalk closer to their crazy-big hotel, the Herod. Wow. Crazy, and also big.

Saturday: Arielle and I, having been smart enough to book ahead the night before, went on a glass-bottom boat tour for only 60 shekel. It was so unbelievably cool. This two hour ride took us to the Jordanian border, then across the Red Sea to the Egyptian border, then to Coral Beach where we went below deck to the glass-bottomed portion of the tour and saw the beautiful Coral Reef, along with some fish and a scuba diver, then over to the Dolphinarium, where for a fee one can swim with real live dolphins (there was a mommy and a baby dolphin....awwwwwwwww), and then back to Eilat. I will post pictures eventually. But, wow. Unbelievable. And also cool. We went back to the open air market, then returned to the hotel to swim/sunbathe at the pool, take a nap, shower, and change. We had dinner on the Tayelet, and then met up with Shimrit and Golan again for drinks at the same pub/bar.

I would like to let it be known that I hate Reggae, that it is not an acquired taste, and that I will never enjoy it, no matter how much fun the people around me are pretending to have. It is not fun, it is not music, and it royally sucks. Royally. So note to the quaint little pub/bar: You suck at life, but especially at choice of music.

Sunday: Saw Arielle off at 10, checked out at 11, got picked up by Shimrit and Golan at 12, whereupon we went to the mall to do the rest of the shopping that Shimrit did not previously have a chance to do (pride moment; i did not buy anything on sunday. Except lunch.). At about 4, we drove to Ashkelon, where I spent the next two days with Shimrit, chilling at her house and in her Sukkah.

Ashkelon: Wicked fun, and the houses are beautiful. Monday, Shimrit needed to go to Tel Aviv for a job interview, so I went with her and hung out at the Azrieli mall while waiting for her. Shimrit's credit card got eaten by an ATM machine 15 minutes into meeting up with me, so after grabbing a coffee, we went back to Ashkelon via IsraRail trains, which I *heart*. I *heart* you, Israrail. I had a lovely time with Shimrit's family, and practiced my hebrew a lot because her parents speak minimal English, at best. Tuesday, her cousins came over for lunch in the sukkah, which was delicious (I totally recommend that everyone spend at least one holiday in their lives at the residence of a boisterous Moroccan family. Best. Food. Ever.), we played cards and chatted until nightfall. Had a major Toronto flashback when Shimrit's father brought a "new fruit" to the table. What should it be but....Dragonfruit! So delicous. I didn't know that the chinese community was big enough here to actually get dragonfruit in Beersheva, which is where he got it from, but whatever. For them, it was a major cultural experience, which is nice, and for me, it was really really yummy.

I am back in Haifa now, and at some point, I ought to unpack, but sitting around and not doing anything of importance is much more appealing.

Yallllllllllllah, bye,
J